Finding Peace
I prefer to call myself an “early riser” rather than a “morning person.” I feel like “morning person” draws ideas of someone who springs out of bed singing ABBA and terrorizing everyone within earshot with their unrelenting cheer. That is not me. I am an early riser. I like the mornings, especially early mornings between 5-6a because it is quiet and peaceful and I can have a few moments where no one bothers me except for my cats. I don’t make myself do work that early, but I am able to sit and drink my coffee with minimal lights on. I will head to the gym around 6:45, but until then I work on my to-do list, I brainstorm ideas for photoshoots or videos, I find that my brain is always best suited to write in the mornings. I can’t listen to music when I write. I can’t be in a coffeeshop where espresso machines and milk steamers are whirring and whining.
I had an amazing conversation with a date a while back that I was thinking about while driving yesterday. I won’t get into the details, but he asked me a question that had been asked of him:
How often are you at peace?
I paused and took a few moments to really dig into that question.
“Well…I’m not sure. Maybe once or twice a week?...Because, I suppose, in order for you to be truly at peace, you would be so at peace that you would actually stop and realize, ‘…I’m at peace right now, I feel very peaceful…’ And that is rather rare. Although it happens more often than it used to! And it’s almost always in the morning.”
He looked at me like I was reading his mind, “Did you know that was the answer? Have you been asked that question before?”
I laughed, “No! I just think about this stuff a lot! I’m rather introspective, thinking about the human condition and whatnot,”
And I’m still thinking about that conversation month later. Peace is very hard to come by. You can’t will it into existence. Contrary to what some people tell you, you can’t just change your attitude and be peaceful all the time. I like to think of peace like a flower or a plant. If you want certain results: flowers to bloom, new leaves to unfurl – you cultivate an environment where it can flourish. Copious amounts of patience and tending are required.
That’s how I treat my relationship with peace. I cultivate an environment and believe that peace will bloom as it so desires. No monthly goal for peace-acquiring. Enjoying it, languishing in it.
Until the cats beg for food and an extremely loud car goes by and my email buzzes and I realize I haven’t eaten lunch yet and oh shit I have errands I need to run…
But peace will be back. She knows where to find me.
Hi! I’m Anna Carter, a GFE escort in Manhattan, NYC. I’m originally from Atlanta, GA.