Talk Therapy
“Ahh, sorry I didn’t mean to make this a therapy session,”
I laughed, “You aren’t treating this like a therapy session. We’re just talking,”
While our conversation had become more serious, it wasn’t a burden. We were just talking about our lives which are, if you’ve been keeping score, kinda stressful these days. High alert is our new homeostasis. Every problem is a crisis. Emergency is the rule, not the exception.
The funniest part was this was very similar to therapy. Or like the ideal relationship with therapy.
A therapist’s purpose isn’t fixing people or unlocking hidden memories or predicting the future. They also don’t prescribe medication.
A good therapist doesn’t preside in a wingback chair doling out esoteric disorders from a psychology textbook. A good therapist probably doesn’t say much at all.
There are many styles of therapy, but the overarching goal is to teach you a skill: introspection.
“How does that make you feel?” has become a (pretty funny) punchline. When you think about it…how often do we stop and sit and think about how we’re feeling? A friend said something in a particular way that made you feel weird – but what is that feeling? Why did it strike that chord? Even if – especially if – the way they responded was unintentional, it doesn’t change the fact that you had that feeling.
“Being emotional” and “thinking logically” come from the same brain. Whether or not your feelings are “rational” doesn’t really matter. Feelings are just thoughts with a direction. If you’re “left brain-ed” that doesn’t mean that you lack the right hemisphere, vice versa. Our brains are “rational” and “irrational,” often both within the same train of thought. You can’t eliminate “being emotional”, nor should you want to.
If you begin seeing a therapist during a time of emotional turmoil, you will probably have a lot of intense stuff to talk about for that first hour. You might even see them twice a week for a month, each session brimming with all the memories and feelings and worries that you didn’t realize you had. But then…
…the turmoil passes. The clouds part. Life resumes its quotidian ebbs and flows. Stuck in traffic, found $10 on the ground, getting a crown put in at the dentist next week, gas prices are down, gas prices are up, your son made varsity even though he’s a sophomore!—
But you keep going to therapy. Maybe once a week, maybe every other week. You talk. They listen. You’re getting better at solving the smaller problems, you understand yourself a little more than before.
Therapy isn’t a series of climactic, psychological breakthroughs and cinematic sob sessions. You’ll cry sometimes and you have breakthroughs at some point. Sometimes therapy feels pointless because you “don’t have anything to talk about.” That’s usually when it’s the most helpful. After Pandora opened the box and let out every bit of chaos and misery, she slammed the lid down trapping one thing inside: hope. Once you’ve released every fear and anxiety and trauma and worry, there is something else at the bottom. Therapy can be where you can talk about the dreams you have for yourself and your family, where you reflect on memories that make you smile, where you put a name to a feeling you had the other day: joy, gratitude, contentment.
Eventually there will be another emergency, there always is. This time your therapist knows you. They know the major characters. They see the converging plotlines. This emotional turmoil is different than the last, but you understand yourself a little more. You have hope: not that life will be painless, but that the pain is manageable and temporary.
If you were dumping your heaviest emotions on me, I would put a stop to it. It’s healthy to talk about the full spectrum of experience. Life isn’t all good or all bad. The bad gives perspective; the good teaches gratitude.
Listening isn’t a burden to me. Everyone has a complex story. Our lives aren’t a series of chain reactions, but rather a spiderweb of relationships and big moments and little moments and medium moments. It’s hard to understand how interesting our life is because we’re in it. I really do think your story is interesting…and I can’t wait to hear all about the week you’re having.
Hi! I’m Anna Carter, a GFE escort in Manhattan, NYC. I’m originally from Atlanta, GA.