Christian Girl Autumn
This was originally published on my newsletter, which you should subscribe to
Inside me there are two wolves:
You might know by now that I grew up extremely Southern Baptist. If there is one thing that Southern Baptists love more than anything, it’s talking about the devil. They love to talk about how evil Satan is, how Satan is in the music that’s on the radio, how he’s in all the TV shows and the movies that are being produced by Hollywood (he’s the Father of Lies, and what is acting but getting paid to lie and fornicate on camera?), tactics that our Adversary might use to lure you away from your walk with the Lord, ways that we can engage in Holy Warfare with The Great Deceiver, etc. etc. I’ve been to some churches that talk about the devil more than they talk about God.
And if there is one thing that every Christian knows, it’s that Halloween is a demonic holiday created by Paganists and Satanists in order to put razor blades and poison into the hands of our children. You think my parents would let us go trick or treating door-to-door out in the streets while our Adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour? You’re out of your fucking mind.
Most churches would do a “fall festival” which was an thinly-veiled attempt to prevent a coup within the nursery/children’s church/youth group because - Satan or no Satan - all the kids knew that October 31st was approaching and that meant candy taxes were motherfucking due. Some churches would still let kids wear costumes. Mine did not.
My parents chilled out on the Halloween hysterics by the time I arrived in high school, but by then trick or treating had lost its luster. I’ve never been trick or treating. I tried to do like the slutty Halloween costume thing in college, but because Halloween hasn’t been a big part of my life, I would always forgot that I needed to plan a costume until the day before the party. I’m pretty sure I was a cat three out of my four years.
And while I Spooky Season™ isn’t in my DNA, you bet your ass that Christian Girl Autumn is. To understand why church going women love autumn so much, you must first know a few things. Where I grew up, you girls had to wear dresses or skirts to church and they had to be modest! Which meant that they were below the bend of the back of your knee. We didn’t even the privilege of a soda can test. If your dress or skirt had a slit in it? Well it better not be higher than the bend of the back of your knee either. And if you were showing any amount of leg, you better be wearing pantyhose. All shirts had to have a sleeve. The collar of your top or dress couldn’t dip down lower than two fingers below your collarbone. And you’re doing your best to abide by all these rules and not complain, but you live in the South where for six months out of the year the heat and humidity make you feel like you’re living inside Satan’s actual mouth. And every Sunday you wake up filled with dread at the layers upon layers of clothes God is asking you to wear. But nevertheless you scale Mount Moriah knowing that God always has a plan. On goes the pantyhose and the dress and the heels and you grab your Bible and your purse and your sweater (in case your dress shows too much of your womanly shape.) You head towards the door knowing that sacrifice lays on the other side of that door. You brace. This is what God wants. And you open the door…and there’s a chill in the air. The proverbial ram caught in the brambles. Life is bearable again. Jehovah-jireh - the Lord will provide.
Hi! I’m Anna Carter, a GFE escort in Manhattan, NYC. I’m originally from Atlanta, GA.